On Marriage — Rhymes with Awesome

Marriage is not for everyone. It just isn't and that's quite alright. I just wanted to preface this piece by saying that; my life is mine, yours is yours. Roll with it, yo.

THAT BEING SAID, today is the 9 year anniversary of when a young lady joined me as my LifeBoo (why "LifeBoo" you ask? Well, that's a different post, maybe I'll write it someday and you can read it then). We were living in New York City at the time and made our vows to each other surrounded by a small group of friends in front of a gum chewing city clerk. We signed some papers, lo and behold, we were married!

**Laughing at the fact that our officiant was chewing gum through the whole ceremony.**

I have had the honor of being involved in many weddings over the years, as a member of the bridal party, as a guest, as an officiant (you need an officiant? Pop me an email!).

It’s a time of celebration and with the exception of my failure as a ring bearer (I’m still sorry, Aunty Sandy!), a time of joy to be shared with friends and family. A wedding is just the beginning, though. In the society that I happen to be a part of lots of energy, time, money, and pressure is placed upon this one day. I think it’s a tad bit silly, as do many I’m sure. When thinking about our wedding, 9 years later, I’m glad that we were able to keep it simple. The focus instead has been upon our marriage.

**Moments before my only documented case of stage fright. (I'm still sorry, Aunty Sandy!)**

What is a marriage?

Silly Casem. It’s when two people who love each other veeeeeery much say they are going to love each other veeeeery much forever and ever, amen.

Sure. But it’s more than that friends, (in my view of course). A marriage is a partnership, it is the continual building of a relationship between two humans working towards a shared goal of shaping the world around them, it is work.

I have used the following bit in a few wedding ceremonies and I will probably continue to do so because I think it is a good bit:

I have soft hands. The work that I do does not lend itself to the creation of callouses upon them. I don’t play an instrument that makes callouses happen. The only real callous I have on my hand (at this point I show my hand), is on my ring finger. It’s where I wear a ring that symbolizes my connection with my Lifeboo. And I believe that callous represents the work of marriage.

It is not work in the sense of the unending drudgery of digging a ditch and filling it back in or lifting heavy objects. It can be, but if you are doing it right, it is the kind of work that leaves you tired but exhilarated. The work of creating a masterpiece. Of building something beautiful that you can be proud of whenever you look upon how far it’s come along.

I am incredibly blessed/ lucky/ #blessed/ (insert a placeholder for however you prefer to express the sentiment) to have a partner in my life.

We as human beings are supposedly social creatures. We thrive when we surround ourselves with other beings that allow us to expand as ourselves. In linking up with one specific person in the relationship known as marriage (I’d argue that the relationship can exist without the legal trappings if that isn’t something you want), we get a focal point to help us in that expansion. This other human being can be our greatest ally in the journey that we’ve undertaken by being born.

In my Lifeboo, I have someone who is my cheerleader, my confidant, my defender, and my guide. And I am hers. All of my best ideas have been inspired by her (if not been directly given). All of my worst ideas have been hidden from the world by having her there to point out the flaws. In making this partnership, we have engaged the world not as individuals with our individual strengths but as something greater. We are more than the sum of ourselves as individuals when we work together.

Remember when cupcakes were big at weddings? Pretty sure we started that trend.

It’s not perfect. We’re both human beings, so it can’t be. We argue, we disagree, we don’t see eye to eye (I’m taller), and we have certainly screwed up. But at the end of the day, we have each other. We find compromise, we keep talking, and we keep working.

Just a small list of the things I have been able to do because of my dear Lifeboo:

Everything.

Honestly, I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have her in my life. Because of our partnership, we’ve made our way through two different grad school experiences, through financial craziness, multiple jobs, becoming adults, buying a house (“Whaaaaaat?” Says a much younger Casem), moving halfway across the country (twice), being involved in multiple theatrical endeavors, and getting to today.

The idea of me writing down words and putting them on the internet was inspired by my Lifeboo, so I dedicate this silly little corner of the web to her. Here’s to the next 9 years, may they be filled with as much joy as the last 9, if not more. And here’s to you, dear reader, for making your way through my words, may you be blessed with good people in your life and maybe even one specific person to hold you close and build something with as well. Thanks for reading!

**9 years walking down this path called life together. Here's to the next chapters.**